It's been a while since I have updated, but as most of you know, that simply means I've had no time. However, a lot of big things have happened during that time and I continue to face big decisions. I have now entered my twenties! My teenage years have come to an end, and to be quite honest, I am perfectly okay with that. I am excited to be in a new season of life and to leave the past in the past and have a fresh start. It is refreshing, as cheesy as that may sound. This entry is long, but it is filled with some of my deepest thoughts.
Throughout the past twenty years I have been faced with many challenges, and many blessings. But, what I get out of all of this is a God that carries me through and lights my path in the darkness, constantly giving me reminders of His beauty and grace. I am human and I do make mistakes and I often times walk in seasons of confusion, but somehow, someway, He works all things together for my good.
I have several goals and ambitions I want to accomplish in these exciting years to come. Many of you already know my dream to become an early childhood special education teacher for children that are severely and profoundly disabled. I can't begin to express the excitement I have just doing my observation hours this semester at Pearson ECS in Plano. I can't wait to have my own classroom!! Some of you may think this isn't the route I should take because it may not pay much, or it may be stressful at times. Some may think I should choose a specific therapy to go into. But to be quite honest, those things aren't what I feel called and led to do. I want to make a difference, I want to be more than just the run of the mill teacher, I want to do something bigger and greater. I feel called to teach, to teach those that can't teach themselves, the ones that may need the extra attention or even just the extra love to be reminded that they are worth something. With every career comes stress, and I understand that, but knowing that I am walking in His ways...there is nothing more freeing than that.
A couple of days ago, while I was at Makenna's house, our friend Bethany from down the street came to visit. She is also in her twenties and has Aspberger's syndrome. Her honesty and perspective on life is so real and incredible. As Marianne and I were talking to her about her future, we began to encourage her to chase after her dreams, to not let anything stop her. We told her that she had an amazing gift of working with and understanding animals. She shared some things with us about her growing up and I became very emotional, on the inside, when we were talking to her about Makenna. She asked us if Kenna liked to draw, because she thought it would help relay her feelings to us, due to our lack of understanding sometimes. We then told her that Makenna couldn't hold a pencil, so she didn't know how to draw. Bethany looked at us blankly and simply said "Yes she can...she just has to learn how to do it." WOW. Ya know, she is so right, but too many of times we assume we can't do things due to our lack of knowlegde or understanding, and we choose to give up or move on to something easier.
I had another emotional conversation with Marianne today about my future and school decisions. At this point and time I am having to make a huge decision of where I want to go to school next semester. Since I am beginning to get into my education classes, I can no longer stay at community college. The decision lies between a private school in Missouri and some public school in this area. Marianne kept enforcing the importance of not relying on my own understanding... but His. For the past few weeks I have been telling myself, "Ok, God...if you provide the finances to get me to Evangel, that's the only way I could go...so it's all up to you." After our talk I realized how ridiculous I was being. I need to stop putting God in some box, setting limitations. He doesn't work that way. If I want to go somewhere, do something with my life, or accomplish a certain goal....then I need to just do it. Go for it. Let go, let God. God WILL provide the ways, it's not an IF, it's a WILL. I have to trust Him, and not just 90% of the way. He puts desires and wants in my heart at certain times for certain reasons and I need to listen to them. Although I am still trying to listen for His voice, I feel at peace. Just knowing that whatever I do, He will be there and continue to walk with me through this life, is enough in itself.
I have been a person of comfort for so much of my life. The past 2 years though have taken me out of that element and have rocked my world. I have been challenged, I have felt defeated at times, I have overcome, I have held on, I have been blessed beyond measure. These past 2 years have been answers to prayer, and I thank God that He so deeply listens and HEARS.
I don't know what's to come, and I ask that you be in prayer with me as I make this huge decision. I know that I serve a God that hears all and knows all, someone that will place together every missing piece of the puzzle HE wants to create, that I cannot handle alone. I am ready for whatever is thrown at me. I'm ready to be uncomfortable, if need be. God, come out of the box and work in me however you please.
Throughout the past twenty years I have been faced with many challenges, and many blessings. But, what I get out of all of this is a God that carries me through and lights my path in the darkness, constantly giving me reminders of His beauty and grace. I am human and I do make mistakes and I often times walk in seasons of confusion, but somehow, someway, He works all things together for my good.
I have several goals and ambitions I want to accomplish in these exciting years to come. Many of you already know my dream to become an early childhood special education teacher for children that are severely and profoundly disabled. I can't begin to express the excitement I have just doing my observation hours this semester at Pearson ECS in Plano. I can't wait to have my own classroom!! Some of you may think this isn't the route I should take because it may not pay much, or it may be stressful at times. Some may think I should choose a specific therapy to go into. But to be quite honest, those things aren't what I feel called and led to do. I want to make a difference, I want to be more than just the run of the mill teacher, I want to do something bigger and greater. I feel called to teach, to teach those that can't teach themselves, the ones that may need the extra attention or even just the extra love to be reminded that they are worth something. With every career comes stress, and I understand that, but knowing that I am walking in His ways...there is nothing more freeing than that.
A couple of days ago, while I was at Makenna's house, our friend Bethany from down the street came to visit. She is also in her twenties and has Aspberger's syndrome. Her honesty and perspective on life is so real and incredible. As Marianne and I were talking to her about her future, we began to encourage her to chase after her dreams, to not let anything stop her. We told her that she had an amazing gift of working with and understanding animals. She shared some things with us about her growing up and I became very emotional, on the inside, when we were talking to her about Makenna. She asked us if Kenna liked to draw, because she thought it would help relay her feelings to us, due to our lack of understanding sometimes. We then told her that Makenna couldn't hold a pencil, so she didn't know how to draw. Bethany looked at us blankly and simply said "Yes she can...she just has to learn how to do it." WOW. Ya know, she is so right, but too many of times we assume we can't do things due to our lack of knowlegde or understanding, and we choose to give up or move on to something easier.
I had another emotional conversation with Marianne today about my future and school decisions. At this point and time I am having to make a huge decision of where I want to go to school next semester. Since I am beginning to get into my education classes, I can no longer stay at community college. The decision lies between a private school in Missouri and some public school in this area. Marianne kept enforcing the importance of not relying on my own understanding... but His. For the past few weeks I have been telling myself, "Ok, God...if you provide the finances to get me to Evangel, that's the only way I could go...so it's all up to you." After our talk I realized how ridiculous I was being. I need to stop putting God in some box, setting limitations. He doesn't work that way. If I want to go somewhere, do something with my life, or accomplish a certain goal....then I need to just do it. Go for it. Let go, let God. God WILL provide the ways, it's not an IF, it's a WILL. I have to trust Him, and not just 90% of the way. He puts desires and wants in my heart at certain times for certain reasons and I need to listen to them. Although I am still trying to listen for His voice, I feel at peace. Just knowing that whatever I do, He will be there and continue to walk with me through this life, is enough in itself.
I have been a person of comfort for so much of my life. The past 2 years though have taken me out of that element and have rocked my world. I have been challenged, I have felt defeated at times, I have overcome, I have held on, I have been blessed beyond measure. These past 2 years have been answers to prayer, and I thank God that He so deeply listens and HEARS.
I don't know what's to come, and I ask that you be in prayer with me as I make this huge decision. I know that I serve a God that hears all and knows all, someone that will place together every missing piece of the puzzle HE wants to create, that I cannot handle alone. I am ready for whatever is thrown at me. I'm ready to be uncomfortable, if need be. God, come out of the box and work in me however you please.
WOW, you're such an inspiration to others and are doing wonderful things. Allie you rock! Keep it up and I'll be praying for you!
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