Perfection

Well, it has been a few days since my last update, and I must say I have a lot on my heart and on my mind right now. I have been quite busy this week (getting things organized at my dad's, car problems, school stuff, etc), and am just now having some down time to really sit and reflect. Reflect on my life and where I am headed and who I have been. Ever since I was a little girl, I always had a fear of making mistakes. I so badly wanted to please my parents in every area of my life including school, sports (yes, I at one time in my life was pretty athletic...whatever happened to that?), and in my maturity level. I wanted to impress them and never let them down. To this day, I am still somewhat like that. I have a desire to reach some sort of perfection, and need reminders that "perfection" is way out of my reach. As I get older and more mature in my walk with God, I realize that without Him, I am nothing. I would like to stress without HIM. Through His grace and love for me, I am able to find joy and peace in who I am, whether that be deemed "perfect" or not. I realize that my walk with Him is the most important thing in my life-it should be what I constantly, twenty four seven have my heart, soul, and mind fixated upon. As I grow up and continue to explore life, I see that trying to be perfect for someone else, rather than God, is not worth my while. In the end, He will be the one to judge me and decide whether or not I have been a good witness of Him.

Tonight in church we had a guest speaker come and speak about this very thing, about how we as "Christians" get so fixated on being "perfect" that we lose sight of what it really means to be a Christ-follower. What it really means to have a passion for the Lord and a passion for others, despite what they may or may not believe. In his sermon, he said something that really stuck with me. He said, "Do not try to convict with your words, but convince with your life." It is so imperative that we come to the conclusion that in our weaknesses, He is stronger. It is okay to be imperfect, because through Him we are given strength. Troy also told a story that just about brought tears to my eyes. The story goes like this: At a past youth summer camp, there was a little boy who had down syndrome. During the middle of worship, he came up on stage and asked to sing a song. Due to his disability, his voice was not "perfect" to the other students out in the audience, so they were quick to judge. The next day, the little boy came up and did the same thing, despite the student's comments. The last night, the little boy came up on stage once again, and sang. This time his disability seemed to disappear. His voice was beautiful and "perfect" to the audience. They all came to the front as the little boy worshiped and sang to His God. The students began to sob and pray, lives were touched and changed that night. When I heard this story, it gave me so much joy. Here is a little boy, who despite his "imperfections", never ceased to worship. He never gave up.

This story also brings Makenna to my mind. She is so perfect to me. Here is a girl who only has half of a brain, and she is so joyful. There is just something about her. Maybe it's the fact that she seems to have such a relationship with God that is indescribable. I watch her face light up as she listens to her baby worship videos, it's like she just knows. It's like out of all the things going on, she is just at peace with everything because He puts some sort of joy in her heart that radiates in her smile, in her sweet hugs, and in her laughter. It is the people like this in my life, that help remind me that "perfect" is nothing but a word. We can have a million things going wrong in our life, and still be filled with joy.

As I face a lot of changes in my life right now, I am praying that I am consistent in reminding myself that perfection shouldn't be my goal. I shouldn't be here to impress anyone else or beat myself up for being a little different than some may wish. I am simply here to be the best Christ-follower I can, to better myself in His eyes, and His eyes only. Because, it is HIS love that never fails me!

Praying for patience and forgiveness.